Monkey Bear
MONKEY BEAR
On a Tuesday night a few weeks ago, I listened to a talk by a fellow mom of a child with special needs. She beautifully and accurately described this form of parenting as a wave that ebbs and flows and never goes away. On the Wednesday morning I was hit by a tidal wave so unforeseen that it knocked me off my feet.
A message from N’s teacher. We need to talk. Immediately the visceral response – increased heartrate, nausea, dry mouth. Breath Tamsyn. It is only halfway through week 2, how bad can it be? As if tempting fate with that very question, I brought home a child so distressed that he ran and hid in the garden hugging his knees and refusing to allow anyone near him. A long phone call later that afternoon explaining that he is struggling to sit inside the classroom and listen, battling to focus and follow the structure, unable to meet the demands. Because of N’s attentional problems, I had considered all these issues many times over. However, I had lulled myself into a (false) sense of security that, by placing him a specialised environment, these issues would be well-understood and therefore ably managed. Never had I anticipated being called so soon after he started with so many issues being flagged before he has even had enough time to find his feet (in my clearly misguided opinion).
We started the Thursday with refreshed enthusiasm, only for N to come home and this time hide under the dining room table for even longer than the day before. This was followed by Friday delivering more messages and calls further highlighting his difficulties and flagging the need for these all to be urgently addressed. Wow. This was so not going as I had expected. I think I have mentioned this before, but one of the hardest things is to hide your own emotions from your child about the situation and to keep your mask on so that they don’t see your hurt, fear, worry and everything in between.
A good friend who is a therapist suggested that maybe a little tent would be a good place for N to decompress after school. So that became our Saturday mission – to find the right tent with the right furnishings in order to create a safe and comfortable space for N; a space entirely his where he makes the rules and sets the parameters. 2 malls and 7 stores later we achieved success. Of all the options, N chose the tent with the sloth motif and also selected a plush sloth to go inside it – a new friend named Monkey Bear (because he resembles both a bear and a monkey).
If only we could create a soft place for ourselves as mothers to land when we are pulled under by these harsh and unpredicted tides.