Background story Lessons learnt

The Chronicles of Norman

N never had a teddy or a dudu or anything that he was specifically attached to as a small baby.  He had phases of preference for various stuffed animals, but nothing really stuck until the arrival of Norman.

Norman came on the scene in January 2022 – he is a small grey elephant and no, I do not know why N named him Norman.  I do know that Norman has become a firm fixture, my second child if you will.  Norman attends school, extra murals, medical appointments and playdates.  He comes on airplanes, walks and to restaurants.  He has been to the dentist, the optometrist and the hairdresser.  He comes on family holidays (photos to prove it!) and sleeps firmly tucked under N’s arm every night.

If this journey has taught me anything, it’s that we don’t get to choose – preferences, challenges, strengths, idiosyncrasies – so you may as well accept and embrace them as part of the complicated milieu that is your neuro-atypical child.  So this is what I have done.  I greet Norman, monitor his whereabouts, dress him up for book week and have strapped him into a seatbelt more times than I care to admit.  And I am not the only one.  The security guards and groundsmen at N’s school are exceptional for many reasons (which I think I will write about at some stage) and they are the first line of defence and first point of contact.  These gentlemen have embraced Norman beyond reasonable expectations.  They greet him every single morning, have conversations with him (doing both voices) and have stood in the road on more than one occasion holding him out and waiting for me to frantically drive past and retrieve him.  The inside joke of Norman reached a peak when each guard’s Christmas card was signed from both N and his trusty sidekick.

Why am I writing about a stuffed elephant?  I think because it has taught me a lot about how I navigate situations with N and how I choose which battles to fight and which to concede.  It has shown me the value of a constant source of security no matter how ‘irrelevant’ and has pushed me to let go of any residual concerns of public appearance.  More than anything, it has engrained in me that his security is my security; and that his security is priceless and immaterial to what anyone may perceive or think on the outside.

Also, Norman has been fairly handy at finding out what goes on at school when N has a difficult day.  When I ask both N and Norman how their day was, I tend to get quite different accounts.  This has proven an invaluable way of helping N to express his emotions, worries and struggles.  Coincidentally, Norman has very sensitive ears and doesn’t like loud noises.  Funny that.

Maybe we will outgrow Norman.  Maybe we won’t.  Either way, he will kept safely as a pivotal figure in N’s growth and development.

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